Monday, 5 September 2016

Moment In Time Week 7

Today our teacher asked us to write a ‘Moment In Time’ piece using a picture of a boy in the water.  We planned as a class to make sure we had the 5 W’s and the 6 Senses.  

Before we began our writing in small groups we discussed the importance of using descriptive writing, using similes and metaphors where appropriate, using dialogue and have done our best to make sure our punctuation is correct.  Some of us have even used ‘Show Don’t Tell’ in our writing to provide our reader with more of an experience.

Our teacher gave us 10 minutes for each paragraph and then 10 minutes for editing at the end.  We had so much fun working together!

If you have a moment, we would love you to comment on our writing.
Boy Overboard!

As Jack was fishing he caught a fish but it was to powerful for him so the fish pulled him into the sea.  The person that was driving the boat didn’t see Jack so he took of.  SPLASH!  Jack could smell diesel coming from the boat getting further and further.  Jack was panicking because he could see sharks crowding him, he was screaming for help “HELP HELP!

Jack was becoming one with the water.  As he was drowning he saw all kind of different fish looking at him.  He was even more terrified when he saw a whole group of piranhas.  The sharks was coming closer and closer to Jack.  So Jack tried to to swim but he couldn’t swim because he doesn’t like the water, so he passed out. He was thinking that he was going to die.   

Out of nowhere a megalodon had rushed to Jack and taken a bite out of his arm.  “AHHHHHHHH”! Shouted Jack.  Jack could see the blood coming out from his arm.  “PLEASE LORD PLEASE HELP ME”! Jack screamed while drowning.  There was a light coming from the sky.  going towards the boy.

Written by Kaleb, Patrick and Darnell.

What we done well was working as a team and talking as a team

What I think I did well was help Kaleb and Patrick make some sentences.

The thing that I did well was when I was talking to my buddy when we were writing.         

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